feeling

like its a good day to eat babies

fucked up on solvents

No I wasn’t huffing! I’m just dissolving things

Write one leaf about pain.

writeoneleaf:

pages about + ask + random + facebook + twitter  | sponsors You Are a Dog [kindle]

Pain: a sensation bringing one far out of their physical or mental comfort zone. The cracking of a protective layer of flesh or the incorporeal layer of emotion that lines the inside. Searing nerve endings and a million synapses firing off all at once.

“Pain makes us strong and cold.”

(Reblogged from writeoneleaf)

I wonder how nice it would feel to be attractive

It feels fantastic if you’re wondering.

(Reblogged from heytherestephen)

My last facebook conversation

  • Adam: i'm gonna love butt fisting you when we go back to school
  • Me: I'm not entirely sure how to respond
  • because I will enjoy it more
  • Adam: you don't have to say anything peter i actually perfer if you don't
  • Me: YOU JUST WANT ME FOR MY BODY
  • Adam: now stop your crying and lube up your butt hole im going in;)
  • Me: no lube necessary, its wide enough

about to go camping with some old friends.

In between sneezing and farting

I’m having a pretty good time!

pizzacrust: anygivenremedy: captainjohnboyd: gimme-stitches: So you’re in the wild, toasting marshmallows with your family and telling ghost stories, and out of nowhere a great, big grizzly bear approaches. I know, your initial instinct will be to give that bear a handjob. DO NOT. Try as hard as you can NOT TO GIVE THAT BEAR A HANDJOB. Here’s why: 1. Bears love handjobs. It’s their favorite thing. But when a bear receives a handjob, upon reaching beargasm, they will instantly demand another. “MOAR HANDJOBS,” they’ll roar. It’s not like when humans receive handjobs and they subsequently feel terrible about themselves because nobody really enjoyed what just happened. Bears can’t get enough, and if you don’t comply to their request for round two, they will retaliate by taking your child out for ice-cream, but then telling them they have to order the coffee flavor.2. When being pleasured by a hand, the bear will try to make eye contact with you. Avoid this at all costs. The moment you lock eyes, you will be mentally transported to your most cherished childhood memory. From then on, when you visualize that memory, you will permanently see image of a bear receiving handjob in the background.3. As mentioned last time, a beargasm lasts precisely 23 minutes. But what you might not know is that it takes three months for them to get off. Please see reason number one for as to why this is an unfortunate reality. 4. Bears are known gossips. If they’re pleased with your performance, they will undoubtedly tell every bear they know and you will the slut of the forest. “It was a one time thing,” you’ll say when bears begin calling you at home and you have to explain yourself to your wife, who has already judged you for the time you performed cunnilingus on a dolphin.5. During day 38 of your bearjob, the bear’s face will begin to resemble your deceased grandfather. This will make the following 52 days a nightmare. Unless that’s your thing. In that case, enjoy yourself. But at least call your grandma to apologize when you’re done.  Reblogging for awareness. beargasm View high resolution

pizzacrust:

anygivenremedy:

captainjohnboyd:

gimme-stitches:

So you’re in the wild, toasting marshmallows with your family and telling ghost stories, and out of nowhere a great, big grizzly bear approaches. I know, your initial instinct will be to give that bear a handjob. DO NOT. Try as hard as you can NOT TO GIVE THAT BEAR A HANDJOB.

Here’s why:

1. Bears love handjobs. It’s their favorite thing. But when a bear receives a handjob, upon reaching beargasm, they will instantly demand another. “MOAR HANDJOBS,” they’ll roar. It’s not like when humans receive handjobs and they subsequently feel terrible about themselves because nobody really enjoyed what just happened. Bears can’t get enough, and if you don’t comply to their request for round two, they will retaliate by taking your child out for ice-cream, but then telling them they have to order the coffee flavor.

2. When being pleasured by a hand, the bear will try to make eye contact with you. Avoid this at all costs. The moment you lock eyes, you will be mentally transported to your most cherished childhood memory. From then on, when you visualize that memory, you will permanently see image of a bear receiving handjob in the background.

3. As mentioned last time, a beargasm lasts precisely 23 minutes. But what you might not know is that it takes three months for them to get off. Please see reason number one for as to why this is an unfortunate reality.

4. Bears are known gossips. If they’re pleased with your performance, they will undoubtedly tell every bear they know and you will the slut of the forest. “It was a one time thing,” you’ll say when bears begin calling you at home and you have to explain yourself to your wife, who has already judged you for the time you performed cunnilingus on a dolphin.

5. During day 38 of your bearjob, the bear’s face will begin to resemble your deceased grandfather. This will make the following 52 days a nightmare. Unless that’s your thing. In that case, enjoy yourself. But at least call your grandma to apologize when you’re done.

 Reblogging for awareness.

beargasm

(Source: supersonicforever)

(Reblogged from ghnfennn)

Everybody wants the baller life

Everybody wants the fly car, nice kicks, and all the ice.

When they see me in the street they wanna call the vice.

Get on some landlord shit and turn out all my lights.

View high resolution